Without You

Without you I feel abandoned, bare, depleted, hollow, found lacking and wanting, empty.
Without you I feel like I'm playing second string while everybody else is a first draft pick.
Without you I feel abnormal because my second half is missing.
Without you I feel unprovided for because I no longer wake up to the sound of your breath on my neck, the warmth of your lips on my cheek, the touch of your fingers on my skin and the feel of your heart beating with mine.

I think of you each morning
And dream of you each night

-D

Before You close your eyes

Times are hard and the road is rough and the burdens are few but the load is heavy. I know I can make it. I've been here before but I only made it because you took some of the weight off my shoulders. You were there beside me encouraging me to drive on when all I wanted to do was give up. When I began to feel the tears, you were the one who caused me to laugh. I appreciate all that you do and what you're yet doing.

Drama

This is my definition: Something that is blown way out of proportion and made more complicated than it has to be. What's your definition?

Encouragement

I'm going to take this one in a different direction. One thing that's constantly on my mind is my family and my friends. I'm always wondering how y'all are doing and how are y'all living. From some of the e-mails and phone calls I been getting as of late, it seems that some of you may need a little encouragement. This one goes out to y'all. "We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed, we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed..." 2 Corinthians 4:8-9. No matter what you're going through right now, always remember that God will not put more on you than you can bear and He'll bring you through any problem or situation you maybe facing. Philippians 4:13 says "I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me." All you have to do is believe and have faith and you do anything you put your mind to do. For my peeps who are busting their hump at work and ain't getting the recognition they deserve, remember Galatians 6:9 "And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart." Keep doing what you do, you'll get yours. What comes around goes around. "Yet in all things we are more than conquerors through Him who love us" Romans 8:37. I hope this encouraged some and gave them a little peace of mind. I miss all of y'all and will see you soon.

Into the Light(pt. 1)

I just read my homegirls latest blog called “Why me” and it stirred some up some old feelings that I needed to get off my chest. I think back to my blog entitle “Warning” that I wrote back in May. At that time, I was mad, fed up, and tired with different things that were going on in my life to the point that things, (like Bubba Sparks used to say) were going to get ugly. I was going to cut everybody off. Some of my friends and family used to tell me that I was too nice, too giving, too quiet and that I can’t be like that with everybody because I’d get taken advantage of. It’s true, I can’t be like that with everybody and it’s something I tried to change especially now that I’m a NCO. I have change some but it’s those personality trait that won’t go away. It's like asking me not to be me. Know what I mean. One person said that my individuality is one my greatest assets and is also one my greatest downfalls.

One thing I would like to know is why is it that people think that someone has an alternate motive when they try to help others? Can’t someone just do something nice for someone else and there not be the usual “Oh he/she is just doing that because he/she is trying hook up or he/she is try to get in his/hers pants.” That’s got to be one of my biggest pet peas because no matter where I go I get that label and it has caused so many trust issues in past and present relationships. “Undercover brotha” is what some used to call me. Never that. Never again especially since I had my heart manipulated and played with before. That’s a pain I wouldn’t wish on anybody. For those reading this, thanks for listening. These were just some thoughts that I needed to get off my chest and on black in white to help me get some clarity. Coming soon: Into the Light (pt. 2)

Monsoon

Monsoon season has started here in Korea. It's not all that bad if you enjoy the rain. Me, I love the rain for different reasons. I sleep and run better when it's raining. I like walking in it and the memories it brings. Today me, J, and a couple of friends went out to Outback for lunch out in the city and later walked in the rain back to post. Felt good. Memories of my first tour in Korea began flooding in. I remember when me and the "mexican connection", Mesa, and Elana used to go shopping in Osan or Seoul on a rainy day without a rain coat or umbrella. We used to come back to the barracks soaked but we were happy. Another memory is of my tour in V.A. I had just moved in with Brandy a couple of months earlier into the apartment that was on the bay. I remember whenever it would rain a lot, the street leading to the house would flood out. If you didn't have a SUV, you weren't getting home until the water receeded. At the time, Brandy had a camareo that was a lowered. I remember riding home in my sportage and thinking to myself, "I wonder if Brandy made it home before the heavy rain started." As I turned up the street, I see this little figure walking up the flooded street in BDU's with boots in hand. I thought to myself, that looks like Brandy and sure enough it was. When she saw me pull up, her face lit up like a kid on Christmas morning. Another memory is me and B sitting out on the deck looking out on the water talking as the rain began to fall. I remember when there were nights when I couldn't sleep and I would go out on the deck and just watch the rain fall. It was relaxing. I could go on and on on this blog about the memories the rain brings but I'll end it here. What more can I say? I love the rain.

Questions

What's is going on in that mind of yours?
Why do you still see me as the man I was yesterday and not the man I am today?
Why do you listen to what other people say and instead of going to the source and finding out for yourself?
Why is that everytime I talk to you, you catch an attitude?
Where did the love go?
Who are you to judge me when you youself have sinned?
Why are you acting all happy when you talk to me and still talking all that smack behind my back?
Why do I still put on a front when we both know you still give me butterflies?
How did I end up back here again?
Why did things turn out the way they did when they did?
Why do you still love and care for me after all the stuff I've done?
Why do you expect mercy when you youself have shown none?
Why do I almost always have to learn things the hard way?
Why am I trippin over stuff that could be easily resolved by simply asking the questions?